• Exclusives

    Doritos Goat hires Scott Boras, Braves interested.

    The word “Doritos” is taken from the Spanish word doradito, which means “turned golden”. That, as it turns out, is a fitting name for the Doritos Goat, known to friends and family simply as “DG”. After getting his big break in a Super Bowl XLVII commercial for the popular flavored tortilla snack chip, DG is looking to cash in on his new found notoriety by hiring renowned super agent Scott Boras. 

    Sports agent, Scott Boras

    Boras is speaking with a number of Major League Baseball franchises in the market for a new mascot, including  multiple teams in the National League East.

    One of those teams is believed to be the Atlanta Braves. MLB.com Braves beat writer, Mark Bowman, recently reported that the team has in fact been in contact with Boras and is eyeing DG as a possible replacement for Homer the Brave, who has devolved into a walking baseball with little more personality than Ben Stein on opium.

    Of apparent concern to the character-conscious Braves, though, is the goat’s repeated run-ins with the law. Most notably, DG was involved in a drunken drag racing incident with Major League pitcher Derek Lowe. Also, while not illegal, many teams were unhappy to learn that DG recently sold clean urine samples to Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Melky Cabrera. 

    The Miami Marlins also have interest in DG’s services. One team official told BravesWire that Scott Boras has been emphasizing the goat’s mass appeal as a way to boost attendance. Boras reportedly told Marlins brass that the presence of DG at Marlins Park could draw as many as 50 additional fans in 2013, drastically increasing attendance.

    Doritos Goat and RHP Derek Lowe

    Farther west, Los Angeles Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti, while dabbing the sweat from his brow with a $100 bill, told reporters he liked the idea of DG in Dodger blue. Sitting on a diamond encrusted office chair with a solid gold coffee mug emblazoned with the words “MO MONEY!” in his left hand, Colletti went on to say that he has challenged his management team to think outside of the box as they try to invent new ways to spend their infinite pool of cash, in which the front office staff often skinny dips after hours. Doritos Goat would seemingly meet his criteria of an innovative expenditure.

    Almost all of the teams believed to have interest in DG are eyeing him as a replacement mascot. The New York Mets, however, have inquired about the goat’s availability to play left field, citing DG’s vibrant pulse and his apparent ability to “give a damn about something”.

    True to form, Scott Boras is said to have opened the bidding at Mayaguna, a small island in the Bahamas, approximately 60 miles northwest of the Turks and Caicos Islands.

    ESPN’s Buster Olney reported last week that DG turned down a 3-year, 30 million dollar offer by the Minnesota Twins, calling the offer “insulting” and adding the he “has a family to feed”.